Progress!

Well, it has been a while since I have been able to update. It is hard to find the time to sit down and type up some thoughts sometimes but I am finally getting back to it. This year, so far, has been amazing. So many new things happening for us. First and foremost, I am super excited about my hair. I don't hear it ever from anyone about making progress and people don't seem to notice when I do so it makes it harder to feel like I am doing better. But, finally, I have decided that approval from myself is all I really need. Who cares if anyone else is proud or wants to encourage me. I am doing this for myself anyway. So, I have made progress there! It has grown so much and it just makes me so excited to keep on going. I have had a small set back lately but still, I am doing so much better. Secondly, my husband and I are expecting our second child this year!! Wow! This is not going to be easy :) with a two year old and an infant but we can do it! It should be quite interesting and FUN! lol ;) I was also recently accepted into the Radiography program in school and I am SUPER!!!! excited about that. These things are only going to make our life better, even if they are hard and difficult to do. So, my goal for this year is to really really have my hair grown out before my next child gets here, which will be in December. To me, this is not unrealistic. It gives me almost half a year. With the progress I have made so far, there is no reason I shouldn't be successful! Though, as with most things, it is always easier to accomplish a goal when there are more people behind you, encouraging you to be a better you! When you see how much people want you to succeed, it only makes you want to do so much more! It sucks that I don't really have that. I can talk to people about my hair and say, LOOK! look how much it has grown and they are like um yeah that's nice...I understand they probably don't care, it isn't their problem of course, but as a friend or family, isn't it a responsibility to encourage people and to tell them, hey, I am proud of you! At least that's what I try to do to my friends. I want them to know that I truly care about their well being and success in life. To some people that makes me weird, to me....its just what God has asked me to do. So, with every breath taken, I will trudge forward in life! I will not look behind me for my past is my past.

~ Phil.3:13 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."

Progress!

I must say that I am very proud of myself. I usually don't give myself enough credit when it comes to my hair but this time I am going to. I start out every new year saying, "this is the year! I am going to get my hair all grown out." But, I never do so I start out strong and within a week or two I am jusr trudging downhill fast. I have had some small relapse episodes but all in all I have done very well! You can actually see the progress. I used to think that if I didn't quit right away and stop all pulling immediately that it was ultimately a fail. Finally, I have realized that it doesn't mean fail. In this case, all progress is good and if I only pick at my hair one time the whole day compared to all day then I should consider it to be a step in the right direction. I am so excited about this. Sometimes I even dream that I have all my hair and when I wake up and it's not there, then I feel kind of deflated! lol. I know it's silly but thats my life. Silly. I think this is going to be a good year for my family and I. I know God is always with us and he has great things in store for us this year!!

Let's have some fun

My husband and I would like to make our marriage stronger. I've noticed that the older we get, the more time gets away from us. When we start dating someone we spend alot of one on one time together doing fun things. We go out to movies, dinner, play games and whatever else. It seems like once we get used to each other we decide there is no need for that anymore. We just sit in front of the computer or television and just be glad to be around each other. Then throw some babies and kiddos in the mix and you just don't have that time to spend with each other anymore. Many people will say, well we just love being around each other and I just love that I can clean my husband's house and rub his feet, but what they won't really tell you is that it isn't enough. So, my husband and I have come up with a plan to spend more time with each other. It might sound silly but I am super excited. We are going to start reading together, which for me is awesome because I love to read, for my husband not so much ;). My favorite thing though is we are going to start playing catch together!! I miss playing softball and it will be fun to spend that time with my husband talking and being goofy.  I just think about how hard it is to keep your marriage fun and exciting.I think we are going to have a game night too. If you have other suggestion we are totally open! Feel free to comment if you have any other good ideas. With every breath taken life can change in an instant and I am going to take advantage of every breath given to me. I will not take my family for granted.

It's Our Job

I have been reading the book the Love Revolution by Joyce Meyer. In reading this book I have learned something essential. With every breath taken, we have the opportunity to revolutionize the world with our love. We often ask God why he doesn't step in when bad things happen in this world. God says to me that he works through his people. We sit around saying, "why doesn't someone do something about this?" Well, it doesn't matter what we have to offer, its the fact that we have something to offer. The world can only be changed if each person contributes with what they can. Whatever you can do, is worth doing. Did you know,according to Joyce Meyer's book, the Love Revolution,that more than 1 billion people earn less than 1 dollar per day, thirty thousand children die each day because of poverty (thats 210,000 that die each week/ 11 million a year) and the majority of these children (are you ready for this??) are under the age of FIVE! Out of the 2.2 billion children in the world, 640 million are without decent shelter, 400 million do not have safe drinking water and 270 million are without access to any kind of medical help at all. Can you imagine if you had no one to help you when you were sick. You cannot go to the Dr. because there isn't one, anywhere??? This information is terribly overwhelming and my heart aches for these people and their families. This is just something to think about when we start to feel sorry for ourselves. I vow to be more active in loving my fellow man and doing what I can do for those around me. My favorite quote:

"I am only one, but still I am one, I cannot do everything, but I can do something and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do."

~Edward Everett Hale~

Eye of the Beholder

I tend to worry too much about what other people think about me. It is hard for me to relax and be myself sometimes. I see people who are outgoing and not afraid to "embarrass" themselves or act silly and I wish I could be like that. I admire those people because I feel like I am missing out on so many things. I actually used to be like that really. I don't even know what happened. I guess I just started listening to all the negative thoughts and comments that were surrounding me, leading me to doubt myself. I was never afraid to get out there and have fun. In 5th grade I was the lead character in our school Christmas program! It was so awesome,and fun. I got to sing, which I love to do, even though I am not that great at it. But, if you told me to go in front of my church today, I would likely break down and have a panic attack. I cannot stand for people to look at me like that. It just makes me feel like they are all thinking horrible things about me. I hate this feeling. Tomorrow isn't promised and I don't want to look around saying, well I experience that because I was scared. Where can I ever get in life being afraid? Every breath taken is another opportunity. The word revolution means many different things to everyone. It can stir up hope, create passion and inspire loyalty. The definition of a revolution is a sudden, radical and complete change from the way things are normally done. It's time for a personal revolution.

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes me feel like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
~Habaakkuk 3:17-18~

A New Day

This is a first for me. I have never written a blog before. Lately, I have felt like I have too many emotions and thoughts going on. I decided that maybe it would be best to write them down. The only problem with that is that I don't feel like anyone is listening. So, here goes to some new. Today is a new day. To tell you a little about myself, I will start with this. The greatest stress in my life is my hair. I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous right? Well, it goes a little beyond a bad hair day. When I was in 9th grade I would sit in class and play with the hair on my arms. I was bored, what else was there to do? Who knew it would turn into some crazy obsession. It has been about eight years since I started pulling the hair on my arms out. It has done nothing but progress. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had pulled just about all the hair from my own head! This included my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes as well. As everyone knows, high school is hard enough without any major incidents. I tried not to feel sorry for myself, seeing how I put myself in that situation on my own. I handled it well, I thought. I tried everything I could think of to make myself stop it. I looked ridiculous. I was made fun of, constantly given dirty looks and more. It doesn't really matter what caused it and how I handled it then. It's all about how I handle it now. I continually think to myself, what can I do with this experience, what have I learned and how can I use this to help other people. I managed to find an amazing man who knew all about it and chose to marry me. I was lucky, many people are not so accepting today. Many people do not know what it truly means to love someone so much that they can look past someone's physical appearance know what is living inside their heart. Yes, I am still struggling with this condition today. This started when I was 15. Today, I am 23 years old. I am married and I have an amazing child. My quest for overcoming this has not been vanquished. I know that one day I will have beaten this thing I have created and that gives me hope for the future. With every breath taken,we can change if we want to. There is nothing in this world that can cement in one spot, except you. You are the only one standing in your own way. I have never met anyone else who has suffered from this "disease", commonly called Trichotillomania. It seems like a silly thing to call a disease, or disorder when there are so many other, life threatening illnesses in the world today but this is a form of OCD and if you have ever lived with someone sufferring from any type of OCD, then the realization of that constant stress and possible dissatisfaction of yourself isn't so hard to come by. I have never opened up like this before and I sincerly hope that it hasn't fallen on deaf ears. Thank you for your support and understanding. I hope that you can join me in my journey to recovery in 2012.